4 October 2025
By Publisher Ray Carmen
Round 1: The Tariff Jab
Trump steps into the ring with tariffs swinging, aiming squarely at Apple’s reliance on China. Apple ducks low with promises of “Made in America” investments, softening the blow but taking a few bruises in the press.
Round 2: The “Bias” Uppercut
The crowd gasps when an iPhone bug spits out Trump’s name after the word “racist.” Trump throws a heavy uppercut, shouting “See! Big Tech is out to get me!” Apple scrambles, claiming it was a “technical glitch” — but the audience isn’t buying it.
Round 3: Antitrust Body Blows
The Department of Justice tightens the ropes, calling Apple out for monopolistic practices. Trump, depending on which corner he’s fighting from that day, either cheers for the regulators or growls about government meddling. Apple absorbs the hits, arms crossed, but the blows are adding up.
Round 4: The Investment Counterpunch
Apple throws a quick counterpunch — a $100 billion promise in U.S. investments, a shiny headline to dazzle the crowd and win back points. The judges raise eyebrows: was that a genuine strike or just shadowboxing for the cameras?
Round 5: The Knockout Blow
As the bell tolls, Trump charges in with populist bravado, but Apple’s sleek, relentless global machine weaves around him, whispering to consumers with every glowing iPhone in their pockets. Trump may land loud punches, but Apple’s got the stamina of a heavyweight champ. By the final count, the referee raises Apple’s glove. Technical Knockout.
